i’ve decided to give up tonight. it’s never been my forte when i’m in love but what can you do when you keep trying and trying just to get pushed away.. i don’t want to give up. in all honesty i don’t. but the more i try, the more i hurt myself. i want nothing more than to be with you but it seems you’ve got your mind made up. maybe i should have walked away when that guy that i don’t know tried to talked to me, but you’ve kept contact with people you shouldn’t have. and i have never bitched about it. i ask you about it, we talk, and i get over it because i want to be with you so very much. i understand that i’ve hurt you but you’ve hurt me as well. and it makes me so sad and hurt to think that because i’ve done wrong, everything you’ve done, doesn’t matter. i know you feel like i deserve to hurt and to be alone… but despite all of the shit you’ve put me through, i never want you to feel what i feel. ever. this pain is almost unbearable. sometimes its hard to breathe. sometimes i’m numb. sometimes it hurts so much, it almost feels like i’m dying.. this pain is the kind of pain i cannot do. i don’t know how much longer i can feel this way. but i’m going to for a while. and i have to pull through. just because we’re over, doesn’t mean that my life is.. no matter how much i feel like my life is over, it’s not. i’m going to be sad and i’m going to hurt and i’m going to miss you every day until god knows when, but i will be ok. i promise you that. no matter how much i feel like i’m not going to be, i will be. i refuse to let you control my happiness. no matter how much i love you. this will not last forever, just temporarily. i love you. but i love myself as well. and i’ve given up. for the first and last time.